It’s been a funny few weeks (two to be exact).  This is a note to myself as much as anyone else.

It should be noted that people are limited in communication. We are limited in what we can express, limited in what we can hear, and especially limited in what we can process. This is true of all humans, we are all limited.

I don’t know about you, but right this moment I have about 25 things that need to be managed. Some involve others, some are just simple things like organizing my tool belt. Some, like sorting out my burning man camp involve countless people, variables, unforeseen circumstances, and personal actions that aren’t getting done.  I am constantly processing ALL of these things at any given time. Sure, there is some compartmentalization, but for the most part my to do list is running in the background. It’s sucking processor power, speed and performance.

I am constantly dealing with these things, and I think that I am communicating most of my thoughts to the people who it affects. I’d like this to be the case. I feel like I am constantly telling everyone everything about my life.

This is not the case. Turns out most of the sharing is going on in my head right before I go to sleep.

At the same time, nearly everyone I know is also processing far too much and trying to communicate… via telepathy. So clearly, there are breakdowns in communication. I am thinking you should already know this thing I never told you, details of that thing I need to do that affects you are assumed to be known… etc.

Plus, I never listen. Ha. take that. I am trying to listen, sure. But my mind is full of it’s very own noise. I am working on 45 things here, while listening to you. Don’t worry. You are doing it to. To me.

So things are going to slip our minds. Things are going to be left at home (like your burning man ticket). Things are going to change. People will be upset. Feelings will be hurt. I promise it is not personal.

Part of what is going to make us as people better communicators is practice. Tell people what you are doing. Tell people what’s going on in your head. Open up. Be a fool. Don’t worry, be cool. We’re all in this together.

And make a list, damnit.

“What the thinker thinks, the prover proves”

-Robert Anton Wilson, Prometheus Rising

Ever notice that people are exactly as you expect them to be?  They almost never surprise us. And yet, somehow I am unpredictable and unique, capable of being any way I choose.

There is something you should know about people. They are not who you think they are. Sure, how you think about a person can affect them and make them seem a certain way around you, but it is not who they are.

We as people are constantly figuring out how people are. We are building up this huge database of how people will behave in certain circumstances. We predict how they will be so that we can better cope with things like going out to dinner, talking about hobbies, having sex, and getting paid. These are workable strategies. We have a pretty decent map of how people are. It is a very effective strategy. It has gotten us this far.

Art’s quiet, Wolfie’s loud. Scott is always amicable, that old dude in Denny’s is batshit crazy..  Adam is smart, George is as dumb as a box of hammers. My Mom is sweet and my brother is tough.  But in the catagorizing of people we lock them into how we expect them to be.  We then find proof for how they are from the point of view that we have already established about them.

This is a death sentence for the people in your life. In your eyes, they can be no other way. They are doomed to be the way you have created them.

I had this great experience last night, when my best friend, a person I have known for 20 years, totally flipped my whole database for how I know him to be on it’s head. I got to realize what a fool I had been in the way I was expecting him to be.  Most of all though, I experienced delight as my friend was completely new to me again. It should be noted that Art Lazaro is and always has been an extraordinary human being, but last night there was this new life.  It was awe inspiring.

The thing is, it’s not like he just flipped this switch and he was this talkative, charming, and debonair dude overnight. He’s always been. I just had him locked into some past experiences.

So, I started looking. How have I locked other people in my life into expected patterns? Where have I ut someone off from being who they truly are, rather than my little picture of them. I am a little excited to know you newly.