I just lost a good friend.

Technically, I lost her a few months back, when she lost herself. But Sunday night, she took her own life. At least that’s what the police said. This marks the third friend I have lost to suicide in the last few years. Veronica was the one who I was closest to.  It’s not okay.  I really need people to stop doing this around me.

Suicide leaves a trail of collateral damage. Yesterday, I went to her apartment with my friend to retrieve their cat. It was theirs together when they were a couple. Tears, pain, sorrow. Sobbing. She had just died, and was found right there, in that threshold that I kept passing through.

It seemed like she was getting her life in order. There was a book on the center of her desk about finding strength in the hard times. She was so close to getting it. Her boyfriend had left for just an hour. He came back and found her.

Damn it.

My mind can’t really wrap itself around suicide. I want to find the reason. I want the reason. I keep wanting to find out the real story. I want the drama to make sense of it.

It’s reasonless. I cannot and never will comprehend what was going through her mind. Veronica, you will be missed.  You left behind some people who loved you.