“What the thinker thinks, the prover proves”

-Robert Anton Wilson, Prometheus Rising

Ever notice that people are exactly as you expect them to be?  They almost never surprise us. And yet, somehow I am unpredictable and unique, capable of being any way I choose.

There is something you should know about people. They are not who you think they are. Sure, how you think about a person can affect them and make them seem a certain way around you, but it is not who they are.

We as people are constantly figuring out how people are. We are building up this huge database of how people will behave in certain circumstances. We predict how they will be so that we can better cope with things like going out to dinner, talking about hobbies, having sex, and getting paid. These are workable strategies. We have a pretty decent map of how people are. It is a very effective strategy. It has gotten us this far.

Art’s quiet, Wolfie’s loud. Scott is always amicable, that old dude in Denny’s is batshit crazy..  Adam is smart, George is as dumb as a box of hammers. My Mom is sweet and my brother is tough.  But in the catagorizing of people we lock them into how we expect them to be.  We then find proof for how they are from the point of view that we have already established about them.

This is a death sentence for the people in your life. In your eyes, they can be no other way. They are doomed to be the way you have created them.

I had this great experience last night, when my best friend, a person I have known for 20 years, totally flipped my whole database for how I know him to be on it’s head. I got to realize what a fool I had been in the way I was expecting him to be.  Most of all though, I experienced delight as my friend was completely new to me again. It should be noted that Art Lazaro is and always has been an extraordinary human being, but last night there was this new life.  It was awe inspiring.

The thing is, it’s not like he just flipped this switch and he was this talkative, charming, and debonair dude overnight. He’s always been. I just had him locked into some past experiences.

So, I started looking. How have I locked other people in my life into expected patterns? Where have I ut someone off from being who they truly are, rather than my little picture of them. I am a little excited to know you newly.

Clackity-clack. It’s the middle of the night. I know that sound. I heard it when I was a kid. It was always late. It was the monster. I’d even once caught a glimpse of it, spidery and black.  It’s been 30 years.

“Eric…” it whispered. “I have a gift for you.”

There’s a logic to the the way the world works. From our little vantage point, walking on the planet it seems random, sometimes cruel and often serious. But when you pull back and look at he world as a singular planet, made of distant chemical reactions… it still baffles me.

I just lost a good friend.

Technically, I lost her a few months back, when she lost herself. But Sunday night, she took her own life. At least that’s what the police said. This marks the third friend I have lost to suicide in the last few years. Veronica was the one who I was closest to.  It’s not okay.  I really need people to stop doing this around me.

Suicide leaves a trail of collateral damage. Yesterday, I went to her apartment with my friend to retrieve their cat. It was theirs together when they were a couple. Tears, pain, sorrow. Sobbing. She had just died, and was found right there, in that threshold that I kept passing through.

It seemed like she was getting her life in order. There was a book on the center of her desk about finding strength in the hard times. She was so close to getting it. Her boyfriend had left for just an hour. He came back and found her.

Damn it.

My mind can’t really wrap itself around suicide. I want to find the reason. I want the reason. I keep wanting to find out the real story. I want the drama to make sense of it.

It’s reasonless. I cannot and never will comprehend what was going through her mind. Veronica, you will be missed.  You left behind some people who loved you.

In the shadows of the trees we approached the gates. We felt the magic fall from them like fine sap that coated us. The trees were helping us. Invisible and scared, we quietly walked right past the brutish guards and into the courtyard. No one had gotten this far before.

Remember that wonder at the first time you saw a beautiful man fly through the air on the trapeze?  Can you remember, fondly,  those first stirrings of lust you felt when you saw scantily clad dancers vamp seductively? Remember those real fears that emerged when that clown looked you in the eye and smiled? Oh yes, the circus.

There’s just one more week to catch the freak circus, my friends. You may have seen the giant red and white circus tent in the Los Angeles State Historic Park near Chinatown for the better part of the summer.  Know that inside is a dark wonderland of acrobats, dancers, ghosts and strongmen.  Cirque Berzerk is your opportunity to indulge that inner juvenile delinquent, and run away to join the dirty circus. This show’s definitely intended for mature audiences, leave the kids at home. I mean, unless they are teenagers and into that sort of thing.

They have shows Thursday through Sunday (8/6-8/9), and this weekend is the last weekend of the season. Last year I got to see them on the last weekend of their run, and it was epic and it was sold out. I suggest getting your tickets in advance at their website (www.cirqueberzerk.com).

Plan a whole creepy circus evening of it. You can pack a picnic and gather around the park. Dress up and get involved! When you start seeing the massive flame cannons, the show is about to begin.  You can party with the fantastic carnie band Vaud and the Villains in the Booze Tent.  Stay after the show and dance with the cast. They keep the second tent open until pretty late and it becomes a hopping little party in it’s own right. It’s a magical show, they do it right.

As a kid, playing lots of DnD, I was told the rough value of a gold piece was $20.  I think about the countless GP I found in that game… ah the treasure.  It would be nice.

By the way, if you know any ancient tombs that need looting, I’m your guy.

We were once friends, close, like brothers. Something happened. Something always happens. Suddenly we weren’t friends anymore.

It was almost a year later, and the two of us were standing side by side in a crisis. We both had to be our best. It was easy to be friends again.

Magic spells are fairly easy to do. First you have to pick a system, then use the right power source. Sex is a good one. You must empty your mind.  Like so many things, tho only way you can have it work is if you give up your attachment. Abracadabra.