What distracts me?  Iphone. Facebook. Netflix. Xbox. Google Reader. Ichat. And on and on and on. They each feed me these little morsels of serotonin. Little notifications of proof that I am interesting, or wanted or loved. There are a million little things I do to take me out of being productive or being with the people in my life. It’s kind of ridiculous.

For me, it’s automatic. I will be standing in line somewhere, or I’ll be idle for just a second, or I’ll be stopped at a light and I will find myself glancing at my phone for those little red balls over the apps that tell me something has happened. Ding. I’m interesting. Ding someone commented on my status update. Ding. my move in words with friends. The pretense is that somehow my iphone keeps me in touch with my community. the reality is that my iphone is my blankie. It’s this little security totem that I can go to to take myself out of life. When I am staring at that little screen, I get to ignore everything else. For just 30 seconds at a time.

Everyone else is doing it. The other smartphone junkies are doing the same thing, and commenting on each others’ pictures and birthdays. It’s this vast conspiracy. Nobody is out there calling us on our total lack of focus, lest they get called on theirs.

Focus is a muscle. As a child, i was diagnosed with a lazy eye, which meant one eye was less strong than the other and would go out of focus easily. I am also far sighted, which is also problem of focus. In the last year or so, my eyeglass prescription has changed. My eyes have actually grown weaker. My focus has grown weaker.  I am clear that I can straighten in this area, again.  But, like a heavy person jsut going back to the gym after years of inactivity, it may have to start slowly.

So, what I am going to start with, in my game of focus, is turning my phone into an actual communications tool, rather than a security blanket. It will live in my pocket, doing it’s thing while I am out there in the world, doing mine. If you see me relapse and go all glassy, tell me. I’ll do something about it.

But damn it, why this lousy technical manual. I’m going crazy here. Anything but this.

Back on the horse, or Tauntaun…

#208

When she would don the suit, everything would change. Suddenly 50 feet tall, she would rampage across her small town, breathing radioactive fire on her office , skipping down freeways, and kicking the suvs that crowded all the street parking on street sweeping days. Being a giant monster is cool.

We are all that exists in all the world. There is nothing but fine dust in every direction shining in the hot afternoon sun. We are alone, alone and free and everything disapears. In this state, that world back there is nothing. There’s the now, the now and the wind.

So, 10 things:

1. I’m back from burning man. If you are linked to me on facebook or flickr you’ve seen the pictures.

It was lovely.

2. I just got a new battery for my car. It was having trouble getting started. Like me. When I went to pep boys, I had this profound realization that I can do many things on my car myself. It’s a skillset that I set aside for years, but I used to be pretty adept at troubleshooting car stuff. And after the engine detail, my honda is so happy.

3. My writing partner informed me taht he finished the first draft of our current project. This makes me infinitely happy.  We have a meeting tomorrow. I am looking forward to working on it!

4. I’m building a new shade for the back porch of the cabin, starting this weekend. I need help. I have a few brave volunteers. It’s going to be really fun, I think. And Damn I love the cabin.

5. I spent my Saturday night at Medieval Times in Buena Park. I used to go there any time I could talk my parents into a birthday party there when I was a kid. I used to love that place! As an adult, I was far more bored. I didn’t remember all the “drama.” But the company was great. It was cast and crew from Cirque Berserk and we were celebrating my dear friend Jenn’s birthday. We took a Hummer limo. It was rad.

6. Speaking of medieval times, I am planning on starting up a casual thursday night dnd game. If you played in your young past, or you want to try out the new system, I am creating an episodic game where you can come in and out whenever you are available. It’s going to be really fun. A number of poeple have aproached me about wanting to learn to play. Here is your chance.

7. Work has picked up. I worked four days last week. I am sure more is coming.

8. I am re-listening to  the 4 Hour Work Week on audiobook. I have forgotten so much from that book. I need to remember to cycle through books a second or third time to really grok the whole thing.

9. I lost my ipod. I am sure that some people out there have ipods that are just sitting in drawers out there. I love listening to the ipod in the car, and leaving the iphone separate. My flow while driving is all messed up.

10. Ah the last one is always the hardest.  In the next six months I am going to get one of my cartoons into production and it’s going to star the voice talent of Ali Packard and Jason Marsden. By my birthday it’s going to be financed.

Burning Man 2009, originally uploaded by ericspaceman.

The sun would set as the moon would rise. We would become aware of the movement of the Earth, the planets, satellites and Sol above us. We build icons to reach for the heavens. We would walk the land like gods for just one week. Then we destroy it all.

Burning Man 2009, originally uploaded by ericspaceman.

In the quiet hours before dawn the seekers who had lost their loves would gather at the Temple and quietly reflect on the void. When the flame jets would spurt toward the darkness, we would hold our breath, seeing the spirits for a brief second. Countless whirlwinds would come Sunday.

It should be noted that people are limited in communication. We are limited in what we can express, limited in what we can hear, and especially limited in what we can process. This is true of all humans, we are all limited.

I don’t know about you, but right this moment I have about 25 things that need to be managed. Some involve others, some are just simple things like organizing my tool belt. Some, like sorting out my burning man camp involve countless people, variables, unforeseen circumstances, and personal actions that aren’t getting done.  I am constantly processing ALL of these things at any given time. Sure, there is some compartmentalization, but for the most part my to do list is running in the background. It’s sucking processor power, speed and performance.

I am constantly dealing with these things, and I think that I am communicating most of my thoughts to the people who it affects. I’d like this to be the case. I feel like I am constantly telling everyone everything about my life.

This is not the case. Turns out most of the sharing is going on in my head right before I go to sleep.

At the same time, nearly everyone I know is also processing far too much and trying to communicate… via telepathy. So clearly, there are breakdowns in communication. I am thinking you should already know this thing I never told you, details of that thing I need to do that affects you are assumed to be known… etc.

Plus, I never listen. Ha. take that. I am trying to listen, sure. But my mind is full of it’s very own noise. I am working on 45 things here, while listening to you. Don’t worry. You are doing it to. To me.

So things are going to slip our minds. Things are going to be left at home (like your burning man ticket). Things are going to change. People will be upset. Feelings will be hurt. I promise it is not personal.

Part of what is going to make us as people better communicators is practice. Tell people what you are doing. Tell people what’s going on in your head. Open up. Be a fool. Don’t worry, be cool. We’re all in this together.

And make a list, damnit.