So, 10 things:

1. I’m back from burning man. If you are linked to me on facebook or flickr you’ve seen the pictures.

It was lovely.

2. I just got a new battery for my car. It was having trouble getting started. Like me. When I went to pep boys, I had this profound realization that I can do many things on my car myself. It’s a skillset that I set aside for years, but I used to be pretty adept at troubleshooting car stuff. And after the engine detail, my honda is so happy.

3. My writing partner informed me taht he finished the first draft of our current project. This makes me infinitely happy.  We have a meeting tomorrow. I am looking forward to working on it!

4. I’m building a new shade for the back porch of the cabin, starting this weekend. I need help. I have a few brave volunteers. It’s going to be really fun, I think. And Damn I love the cabin.

5. I spent my Saturday night at Medieval Times in Buena Park. I used to go there any time I could talk my parents into a birthday party there when I was a kid. I used to love that place! As an adult, I was far more bored. I didn’t remember all the “drama.” But the company was great. It was cast and crew from Cirque Berserk and we were celebrating my dear friend Jenn’s birthday. We took a Hummer limo. It was rad.

6. Speaking of medieval times, I am planning on starting up a casual thursday night dnd game. If you played in your young past, or you want to try out the new system, I am creating an episodic game where you can come in and out whenever you are available. It’s going to be really fun. A number of poeple have aproached me about wanting to learn to play. Here is your chance.

7. Work has picked up. I worked four days last week. I am sure more is coming.

8. I am re-listening to  the 4 Hour Work Week on audiobook. I have forgotten so much from that book. I need to remember to cycle through books a second or third time to really grok the whole thing.

9. I lost my ipod. I am sure that some people out there have ipods that are just sitting in drawers out there. I love listening to the ipod in the car, and leaving the iphone separate. My flow while driving is all messed up.

10. Ah the last one is always the hardest.  In the next six months I am going to get one of my cartoons into production and it’s going to star the voice talent of Ali Packard and Jason Marsden. By my birthday it’s going to be financed.

It should be noted that people are limited in communication. We are limited in what we can express, limited in what we can hear, and especially limited in what we can process. This is true of all humans, we are all limited.

I don’t know about you, but right this moment I have about 25 things that need to be managed. Some involve others, some are just simple things like organizing my tool belt. Some, like sorting out my burning man camp involve countless people, variables, unforeseen circumstances, and personal actions that aren’t getting done.  I am constantly processing ALL of these things at any given time. Sure, there is some compartmentalization, but for the most part my to do list is running in the background. It’s sucking processor power, speed and performance.

I am constantly dealing with these things, and I think that I am communicating most of my thoughts to the people who it affects. I’d like this to be the case. I feel like I am constantly telling everyone everything about my life.

This is not the case. Turns out most of the sharing is going on in my head right before I go to sleep.

At the same time, nearly everyone I know is also processing far too much and trying to communicate… via telepathy. So clearly, there are breakdowns in communication. I am thinking you should already know this thing I never told you, details of that thing I need to do that affects you are assumed to be known… etc.

Plus, I never listen. Ha. take that. I am trying to listen, sure. But my mind is full of it’s very own noise. I am working on 45 things here, while listening to you. Don’t worry. You are doing it to. To me.

So things are going to slip our minds. Things are going to be left at home (like your burning man ticket). Things are going to change. People will be upset. Feelings will be hurt. I promise it is not personal.

Part of what is going to make us as people better communicators is practice. Tell people what you are doing. Tell people what’s going on in your head. Open up. Be a fool. Don’t worry, be cool. We’re all in this together.

And make a list, damnit.

-Robert Anton Wilson, Prometheus Rising

Ever notice that people are exactly as you expect them to be?  They almost never surprise us. And yet, somehow I am unpredictable and unique, capable of being any way I choose.

There is something you should know about people. They are not who you think they are. Sure, how you think about a person can affect them and make them seem a certain way around you, but it is not who they are.

We as people are constantly figuring out how people are. We are building up this huge database of how people will behave in certain circumstances. We predict how they will be so that we can better cope with things like going out to dinner, talking about hobbies, having sex, and getting paid. These are workable strategies. We have a pretty decent map of how people are. It is a very effective strategy. It has gotten us this far.

Art’s quiet, Wolfie’s loud. Scott is always amicable, that old dude in Denny’s is batshit crazy..  Adam is smart, George is as dumb as a box of hammers. My Mom is sweet and my brother is tough.  But in the catagorizing of people we lock them into how we expect them to be.  We then find proof for how they are from the point of view that we have already established about them.

This is a death sentence for the people in your life. In your eyes, they can be no other way. They are doomed to be the way you have created them.

I had this great experience last night, when my best friend, a person I have known for 20 years, totally flipped my whole database for how I know him to be on it’s head. I got to realize what a fool I had been in the way I was expecting him to be.  Most of all though, I experienced delight as my friend was completely new to me again. It should be noted that Art Lazaro is and always has been an extraordinary human being, but last night there was this new life.  It was awe inspiring.

The thing is, it’s not like he just flipped this switch and he was this talkative, charming, and debonair dude overnight. He’s always been. I just had him locked into some past experiences.

So, I started looking. How have I locked other people in my life into expected patterns? Where have I ut someone off from being who they truly are, rather than my little picture of them. I am a little excited to know you newly.

Technically, I lost her a few months back, when she lost herself. But Sunday night, she took her own life. At least that’s what the police said. This marks the third friend I have lost to suicide in the last few years. Veronica was the one who I was closest to.  It’s not okay.  I really need people to stop doing this around me.

Suicide leaves a trail of collateral damage. Yesterday, I went to her apartment with my friend to retrieve their cat. It was theirs together when they were a couple. Tears, pain, sorrow. Sobbing. She had just died, and was found right there, in that threshold that I kept passing through.

It seemed like she was getting her life in order. There was a book on the center of her desk about finding strength in the hard times. She was so close to getting it. Her boyfriend had left for just an hour. He came back and found her.

Damn it.

My mind can’t really wrap itself around suicide. I want to find the reason. I want the reason. I keep wanting to find out the real story. I want the drama to make sense of it.

It’s reasonless. I cannot and never will comprehend what was going through her mind. Veronica, you will be missed.  You left behind some people who loved you.

Remember that wonder at the first time you saw a beautiful man fly through the air on the trapeze?  Can you remember, fondly,  those first stirrings of lust you felt when you saw scantily clad dancers vamp seductively? Remember those real fears that emerged when that clown looked you in the eye and smiled? Oh yes, the circus.

There’s just one more week to catch the freak circus, my friends. You may have seen the giant red and white circus tent in the Los Angeles State Historic Park near Chinatown for the better part of the summer.  Know that inside is a dark wonderland of acrobats, dancers, ghosts and strongmen.  Cirque Berzerk is your opportunity to indulge that inner juvenile delinquent, and run away to join the dirty circus. This show’s definitely intended for mature audiences, leave the kids at home. I mean, unless they are teenagers and into that sort of thing.

They have shows Thursday through Sunday (8/6-8/9), and this weekend is the last weekend of the season. Last year I got to see them on the last weekend of their run, and it was epic and it was sold out. I suggest getting your tickets in advance at their website (www.cirqueberzerk.com).

Plan a whole creepy circus evening of it. You can pack a picnic and gather around the park. Dress up and get involved! When you start seeing the massive flame cannons, the show is about to begin.  You can party with the fantastic carnie band Vaud and the Villains in the Booze Tent.  Stay after the show and dance with the cast. They keep the second tent open until pretty late and it becomes a hopping little party in it’s own right. It’s a magical show, they do it right.

So as I am reworking my resume, I am finding it one of the harder writing assignments I have ever had.  I need to write about myself,  which is hard enough. Then I have to keep in mind that bio-survivability is completely tied to this.  I need to straddle that fine line between playful self expression and button up business language. And, I have to survive!

It’s madness.

I find the one sheet standard for resume writing is an outdated model for the freelancer. Things like Linked In serve as a better model. It’s got this modular language one that people familiar with social media can wrap their heads around. I found LI was a great tool for getting my work history nice and organized. Although my profile there needs a little work still, I am getting the hang of that.

Complaining about the format that resumes are accepted in won’t do any good. It’s like complaining that regular work hours are nine to five, right when traffic is the worst.  So I need to fit it all into this tight little space. I’m considering just listing my countless jobs, and titles and years, while putting the bulk of the info in the skill section. I’ve been a freelancer for seven years or so, how do you  convey the breadth and depth of that experience. This is my challenge.

Then there’s the formatting. I have yet to really see a one page resume style that I really like. I will happily take suggestions on this. Right now I am using Pages on my Mac and using the “Modern Resume” format. I am a modern guy, this makes perfect sense.  But damn, again… I keep feeling like I am doing it wrong.

The hardest part, by far is just sitting down and writing the thing.

I’ve been keeping busy, of course.

My writing partner Duke Cullen and I have been working really hard on this spec adventure screenplay. It’s really fun. Lots of booby traps and cockpits and giant reptilian monsters.

I’ve been reworking my resume and getting Linked In dialed in. I figure I may be able to get some work in that realm.

Those who know me on a personal level know that I am a pretty amazing personal coach. I am an expert in relationships and getting what you want from your life. So, I am taking on coaching clients. More to come on this.

I am also looking to create a freelance copywriting business for myself. Every website in the interwebs needs content. I can create content for anything. I’m excited.

But to you, my community, I ask your help. I want to be working on something great. I want to be making a difference in the world. I am weary of just getting by financially.  I’m ready to make some big career changes and I have no idea how that will look. Please keep your eyes open for me, please listen for that perfect thing for me.

I will too.