Things About People #1
“What the thinker thinks, the prover proves”
-Robert Anton Wilson, Prometheus Rising
Ever notice that people are exactly as you expect them to be? They almost never surprise us. And yet, somehow I am unpredictable and unique, capable of being any way I choose.
There is something you should know about people. They are not who you think they are. Sure, how you think about a person can affect them and make them seem a certain way around you, but it is not who they are.
We as people are constantly figuring out how people are. We are building up this huge database of how people will behave in certain circumstances. We predict how they will be so that we can better cope with things like going out to dinner, talking about hobbies, having sex, and getting paid. These are workable strategies. We have a pretty decent map of how people are. It is a very effective strategy. It has gotten us this far.
Art’s quiet, Wolfie’s loud. Scott is always amicable, that old dude in Denny’s is batshit crazy.. Adam is smart, George is as dumb as a box of hammers. My Mom is sweet and my brother is tough. But in the catagorizing of people we lock them into how we expect them to be. We then find proof for how they are from the point of view that we have already established about them.
This is a death sentence for the people in your life. In your eyes, they can be no other way. They are doomed to be the way you have created them.
I had this great experience last night, when my best friend, a person I have known for 20 years, totally flipped my whole database for how I know him to be on it’s head. I got to realize what a fool I had been in the way I was expecting him to be. Most of all though, I experienced delight as my friend was completely new to me again. It should be noted that Art Lazaro is and always has been an extraordinary human being, but last night there was this new life. It was awe inspiring.
The thing is, it’s not like he just flipped this switch and he was this talkative, charming, and debonair dude overnight. He’s always been. I just had him locked into some past experiences.
So, I started looking. How have I locked other people in my life into expected patterns? Where have I ut someone off from being who they truly are, rather than my little picture of them. I am a little excited to know you newly.
Tags: Things about people